Well hello there beautiful people. It has been far too long. I hope this post finds you well. What a crazy year huh? One for the books indeed.
Speaking of books..
I am in the second round draft edits of my book that I finished this year. That’s right… I said finished. I would hate to count up the number of books, song, or short stories that I have wrote in the past the inevitably always had their stopping point. The stopping point was never at the end of the story. It was rather, when my motivation wore out. It stopped when I convinced myself that it would never get published anyway so why stinking bother?? I was for sure my own worst enemy and I was the one only holding me back.
The great thing about that, is then in turn- I am the only one who can launch me forward. I set out this year 2020 as the year I would finish a book. It happened to be just not any book but something that has been on my heart for a while. Over these last couple years I have seen it play out in my life and observing of others -this idea of portraying a beautiful life on the outside. I have posted and I have seen all the highlight reels. I have seen and posted all the filtered images of little cherubs with happy smiling faces. I have seen the vacation pictures, beautiful Christmas Morning played out on social, and I have seen the slim perfectly sculpted abs influencers post just after their 90 minute gym session.
I will tell you what I haven’t seen on the interwebs- but have got a first hand front view in my own life (and observing of others): Snotty nose pictures of kids utterly pissed off that you dare not let them have 3 more store bought cookies and 2 more hours of tablet time. I haven’t seen people talking about reaching for a bottle, porn, cupcake, amazon purchase, folks talking about the hours they spend scrolling, taking pain pills when the only thing that hurts is their soul, and everything in between. I haven’t seen people talking or sharing picture of those things but I have witnessed them in my own life an others.
The thing is some of us, myself included in the past, compared the filter images to our non glamorous reality. They see others lives being portrayed out in images being all roses…
When the view they are looking in the face is one with mess, tears, ugly moments, and times where nothing feels put together or in order- not our home, calendar, laundry, wellness, marriage, and even ourselves.
That’s what I wrote about in my new book. I wrote about really pouring in to the view inside your front door. I wrote about really focusing on your own damn grass not worrying about whose is greener or whose is even dried up. I wrote about living a life that you are proud of not one you post pictures to get validation from. I wrote a book. ‘Living a Life that Feels Good On the Inside, Not Just Looks Good On The Outside: The Journey Of a Fulfilling Life In A Filtered World”.
I have broken it down into areas of my life (and yours) where I tell of a time or many times where I got it wrong and lessons I have learned in the journey to attempt to turn the bus around.
In my health: I share stories of hustling for my worth one detox cleanse or binge purging at a time. I share tactics that got me to a place of acceptance, self-compassion, and feeling healthy not concerning myself with how much I weigh or if I’ll ever not have a tummy roll while sitting.
In my marriage: I share times when my husband became ill and suffered from a chronic illness for six years in our seven year marriage how at times I contemplated just running away. I share when things would get hard or he didn’t measure up to some ideal I had set forth, I became his biggest critique when now I have fought to be now his biggest cheerleader.
In my parenting: I share stories with my precious babies having a mother who yelled, criticized, controlled, failed, checked out, over-scheduled, and blatantly didn’t measure up to the mother I set out to be. I share strategies and tips that has brought me to the place of everyday trying to be present and show up for them loving them just as they are- full stop.
In my home: I share stories of Christmas’s where the bottom floor of home could have been on the cover of Better Home & Garden Holiday Edition. While the top was filled with chaos, clutter, and an utter disarray. I share tips that helped me come back to our home being a place of solitude and place of soul rest vs stress, storage, and mayhem.
In my mind: I share stories of periods I suffered from depression and debilitating anxiety all the while keeping up with my happy persona but in my soul I felt like I was drowning. I share how I got sober and how I navigate life now as an empath feeling all life’s highs and lows.
In my friendships: I share stories of hustling for validation and to be liked by everyone even it meant betraying part of myself every single time. I share how I navigate having quality friendships vs quantity as I get older.
In my career: I share how I set out on financial security equating to happiness. I put this chapter off toward the end because I thought it was one area I was the least qualified to preach let alone teach on. However, I realized maybe some people were in the same boat I am in. I share how I have dreams and am actively working towards them now every day starting with the self publication of my first book this winter.
and In my healing (because we all have some wounds within us that need to be set free): I share stories of addiction, trauma, self-sabotage, self-harm, and all the messy shit in between. I share what it has taken me to feel full and alive again after years spent numbing away feelings. I share what it took for me to feel them fully so they could begin to heal, so that they could heal for real.
So that’s what I wrote about friends… all 80,000 words and counting sum up to one message I have for you. Please don’t forget the view that matters. Please don’t compare yourself to others. Please don’t compare your home, wallet, social media following, BMI, number of friends, home décor, job status, stability of your marriage, trauma, talents, children, and everything and anything in between.
Keep your eyes on your own paper. You are the one who grades your own work at the end of this life. Please go about the work (and IT IS work) to have a life you are proud of. If you find today that you are not, as my favorite quote from Scott Fitzgerald says ‘I hope you have the strength to start all over again’.
Today is a beautiful day to take the first step of starting again.
That’s all until next time.