Happy New Decade Bea-u-tiful Readers.
I so hope this new year finds you well, warm, and happy.
There are so many possibilities as we start this next chapter.. and as always I often finds these resets, fresh starts, and blank pages are an inspiring place to start if you find yourself on not utterly solid ground, needing change, or unfulfilled.
And as always friends.. your girl Jess is here for the real talk.. and if I’m being honest.. as the Christmas Season drew to a close.. and the decorations were taken down…
The rumbling void in my heart proceeded to make itself known as it has throughout my life.. and in the past I have stuffed it -with food, booze, social media, planning the next trip, starting the next book or home renovation- but thanks to therapy, growth, and some good ol’ fashion self awareness and accountability– I try on a daily basis to actively make the choice to sit and question the void rather than fill it. I don’t always get it right- but every day I’m trying to consciously make the next right choice.
I would be remised to not share- that there is some huge shame wrapped up in this void- this lack of contentment and I dare type… unfulfillment.. because on paper.. I literally have all I thought I ever wanted.
I have the two most amazing children (obviously I am biased) ..
who are mostly kind- interesting-
I have the most dependable man as my best friend and husband and we actively have chosen to strive to have an exceptional marriage with weekly date nights and talking about the hard stuff- even when it’s well.. hard. I have a man who has finally reached a healthy mark in his journey known as ‘Remission’.
I type to you from my zen room- in our beautiful farm house-
with views I dreamed of having one day.
I type to you on my lunch break of a job I get the benefit of working from home part time. A job that pays well an has great benefits.
I cut out most of the crap food in my life and made exercise the foundation and clean eating my new normal.. resulting in me currently being in the best shape of my life.
I share all of this not to brag.. but to offer a safe place to maybe someone else who has so many boxes checked they thought would lead to a happy, fulfilled, and good life.. but somehow, somewhere along the way they discovered a place in there soul that longs for more.
However, life has taught me there is a difference in the more we search for. More clothes, money, friends, home décor… nicer house, car, salary, watch.. better vacations, gadgets, weight loss… will not result in a better, happier, or more whole life friends. I wish it was that easy.
I know that this is what we are sold.. by companies, marketing, or the newest products and programs that promise us a leveled up life if we simply click now, purchase today, and say YES to more. Most of us go down these paths during different seasons in our lives- only to discover they are mirages and the promises offered either were non-lasting, not enough, or never came to fruition at all.
By subscribing to ALL OF THAT I found I got less and less of what I truly wanted. I got further from my ideal – my best self- which at times resulted in the bone-chilling feeling of emptiness. This feeling of course linked to the incongruence of who I say I want to be or who I portray to be– and who I actually am.
My mission this decade: is to have who I say I want to be- or portray to be- actually be the same person. The gal I am reaching to be this decade, this year, this very minute is fulfilled, happy, kind, courageous, goofy, content, present, and whole.
Let me tell you who she isn’t.
Perfect. Anxiety Driven. Seeing whose grass is greener (she’s watering her own). Playing Small. Phoning it In. Consumed with being a consumer of anything that doesn’t align with who she says she wants to be.
I was listening to a podcast earlier last month and they were talking about picking a one word theme for your year. It could be whatever of your choosing – but just a word that sparked JOY, Change, ACCOUNTABILITY, or something that stood as a reminder for the year you had set out for. Hopefully reminding you to daily aspire to move the needle closer to showing up how you wanted or envisioned .
This year I hope you do the same. Get out the magazines like you did in middle school and make yourself a vision board to go along with it.
This year for me- is the year of Nourish– making choices that nourish my health, body, and mind… but most importantly friends – my soul. This soul of mine is beautiful, tender, and wants more..
More honest true talks with friends about how we all are really feeling- not what we portrayed on our latest picture on Instagram or post on Facebook. More living life vs documenting it for others to see. More living a life of purpose and creating vs climbing the corporate ladder and consuming. More Joy and little moments that remind us why we are here. More of choosing the more that matters.
More laughter and playing.
More dreaming and discovering.
More of the good stuff- the stuff that matters. I hope this year brings your more of that. I hope this decade you do things that light your heart on fire and strive to pursue things that fill your cup and your soul… I’ve learned no one is going to do this for us.. it is an unpaved path we must set out on. I hope you choose it. I know it’s scary- I’m scared too- lets do it together. One choice, moment, day, and saying ‘YES’ to more of what matters and choosing less of what doesn’t.
That’s all until next time.