Good Afternoon Yall,
I hope you are enjoy this Fall day wherever you are- here in Kansas it is still quite warm but that doesn’t stop this gal from putting up that fall décor and lighten them pumpkin candles…. you know what I’m saying- I love fall a latte – pumpkin spice latte that is.
The season have changed since we spoke last- and further changes are.. I have given up alcohol for a year experiment (until Sept 2020- and perhaps forever) and next month I am running a marathon.
I have traded in one coping skill for another- this time a healthier one.
Running helps me process the heavy shit, small shit, all the shit.. from trying to be a mom who has the love and patience for two wild and amazing kiddos.
To being a wife who is loving, present, and puts in the work it takes to have a fulfilling marriage (like date nights and having the tough but needed hard conversations) so that after these little people are gone and off in the big world doing hopefully great things– that we don’t find ourselves looking at each other as strangers- roommates.
Some things that have also changed: is I am more committed than ever to put in the work- research- and gaining the experience I need to find a fulfilling career as I am in the pursuit of an overall fulfilling once in a lifetime-life. This would be a great time for a Wish Fairy to come- and to pay me for what I’m doing right now– writing to you from the comfort of my own home- to give me their clothes (free) to wear and model as an influencer -to give me healthy food I’m eating at a discount– all that so I can continue to share- to give the light, lessons, habits, and tips I’ve learned along the way- for free to yall- but they paying me for a living. Do you know where this Wish Fairy is- if you do please send her my way– home girl would appreciate it!
Until then– I sit- researching, trying, and most of all doing. Doing something every single day that propels me closer to a career that is fulfilling to me- that I’m passionate about. Right now I’m currently reading this..
The Proximity Principle by Ken Coleman
He talks about the sweet spot is where your greatest talents and your greatest passions overlap.
I am passionate about helping people- about becoming better- being present- living under your means and creating a life you love because that’s what I want for myself and want to do it in community with others reaching for the same.
I am a talented writer (most days). I have a natural comedic approach-but can give you the real on the regular. I brighten the dark with so much positivity you need some freaking sun glasses son.
In therapy recently I was expressing how when my children are struggling (schoolwork, behaviors, emotionally) that it is debilitating to me- not because I care about how they are measuring in regards to others- or what ‘normal’ is– I’m devastated because I feel their struggle right along side them- when they hurt, I physically hurt. A lot of these feeling aren’t untypical as a parent-but I feel it all the time with all sorts of people-this is the point at which she shared that I am what is known as an Empath a Healer: I feel everything deeply- which is both my greatest blessing and my biggest curse.
This information was transformative because it put language and tools for something I have felt– my whole stinking life- but thought it was just sensitive ol’ me.
This is the reason today I had a beautiful – heartfelt -raw- conversation with a friend- and literally cried. I love you Meredith!
It’s the reason I can’t – and refuse to watch the news. It’s why a songs words can cut me to my core- or bring me the largest amount of joy. It is the reason I am able to be raw because I know that’s what people need- they don’t need the Pinterest/Instagram/Perfectionist image that we can all be guilty of presenting. It’s the reason I am easily able to identify struggle in a friend, coworker, stranger, or child without them having to verbally say ‘I’m struggling’.
As I’m trying to navigate this fulfilling career search- I really thought Individual Life Coaching- or being a Personal Emotional Mentor was a direction I was wanting to take- but here is the truth I’ve come to realize through research, life experiences, and attempting to ‘do’ the work of those positions.
That shit- is too heavy for me– my heart can’t take it without taking that direct pain on (this is a the negative side of being an Empath/Healer and direct reason why some therapist commit suicide). I can’t bare to sit with the struggle- because they would eat my soul alive and I fear I would over time not be able to see the light surrounded by so much darkness.
However, I am realizing on this journey -there is more than one way to help people – I don’t necessarily have to be deep down in the trenches with them– sure I love to be a support to my friends- but that on the regular -daily- career- is a ‘no’ go for me- but here I sit doing and search for other ways.
I don’t want to help by talking at others : but with them : as a community : so please stayed tuned.. also if any of you readers see – or think – of something that I am not seeing I would love your comments and direction.
That’s all until next time.