Good Afternoon My Wonderful Readers:
I type to you today from my front porch with an overwhelming appreciation for this sunshine and for a recent therapy session that relit my soul on fire.
Therapy is one of the best gifts I have ever given myself. Through it I have discovered so much and learned so many tools. I thought I would share a recent lesson I learned this week.
First I should share- if it is not clear already- that I have so many hopes and dreams for this life. One of my favorite quotes is
You only live once- but if you do it right- once is enough.
I fully believe perhaps I might be reincarnated as a bird and be free in another lifetime- but in the meanwhile in this life and in this body I want to live it to the fullest while I’m here…
There is a big road block I always run into – and I think it’s one we all do because our minds are programed from a very young age to have this emotion in order to survive– that thing I/we run into is FEAR.
Be careful running down that hill Jimmy. Mary watch your step. Phillip that’s hot be careful don’t touch. Doug look before your leap.
Obviously our bodies needed fight or flight mentalities for the saber tooth tigers, during the hunter gather times, and even still today you should look before you cross the road Sally.
However for me– no matter how brave I am with my heart, soul, appearance, clothes, or my uncanny ability to show and talk about the messy side of parenting, wifing’, and lifeing’… there is one area that is harder than others for me personally to be brave in… and that is pursuing my passions to the fullest- to the level that they deserve- to the level that I deserve.
Throughout my life there has been a calling on my heart to make this thing you are still reading ( bless you) my full time job, to own a boutique or a mobile boutique with the words ‘The Vintage Hippie’ in beautiful calligraphy written on the side..
to write novels for a living, and finally to make money doing what I love in what ever avenues I would find myself in. If time after time I was brave, showed up, or pursued my creative self and works to the fullest that would be the definition of being seen and being my highest self leading to my fullest life.
And this is the question my therapist asked me recently when we were discussing why I don’t pursue these things to the degree I know I can but thankfully shook me to my core in order to catapult me in to reaching for more:
Who’s love did you crave the most growing up your mothers or fathers? Not who did you love more- but whose love did you crave more?
The follow up question- the one that the answers cut deep: Who did you have to be to get their love?
My answer to the later question..
Seen not heard.
…and to look real hard before I leaped… because life would always be filled with disappointments.
Saying these out loud- put a knot in my chest : you know the feeling where you know you are going to cry, you want to cry, but you are also holding it back and it feels as if you swallowed and have a quarter permanently stuck in the back of your throat but are simultaneously still trying to breathe..
While I was busy swallowing loose change, she followed up by asking another question (these therapist and their nosey questions am I right?? haha) – By playing small you are filling that prophecy of staying small and is that who you think God (insert whoever) called you to be?
And there ladies and gentleman is when the damn broke- I certainly haven’t been playing small in all areas of my life… but career wise 1000x percent. Please don’t get me wrong: I have a great job- one that pays well- affords me the ability to work from home a couple days a week– but it is by no means my passion. A lot of us go to jobs we don’t necessarily love but they pay the bills— but again… we get this ONE life- and if we do it right once is enough. I for one don’t want to get to the end of this lifetime and know I settled. because I was scared.
So please join me today and take a step forward to be brave with your life and choose to be seen.
Whether that’s not caring what others think of you and going without makeup (and hair for me) letting your natural beauty shine because that’s what your soul wants .
Or whether that’s starting to take bigger chances, bigger choices, concentrating on your passions and calling your shot listing things you are GOING TO make happen.. even if you have to do them scared.
As Brene Brown says in order to live a wholehearted life you must daily and sometimes hourly choose: Courage over Comfort.
This week has marked this in stone for me. I am going to show up creatively and let myself, my talents, and my work be seen. Thanks for staying on for the ride. Hold on to your hats– it might get a little bumpy.
That’s all until next time: