Today I Cried Because I Couldn’t Go To A Thrift Store

So still in Kansas- still snowing.

Which reminded me of the song:

‘Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow let it snow let it snow.’

But- here’s the thing : Today – I did have somewhere to go!

My favorite thrift store is Savers.  They sort their items more and weed out low quality, torn, and faded items- and for their efforts they charge about double more than your average thrift store for items.  However, on holidays that they are open for business (Columbus Day, Presidents Day, Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and Veterans Day) – they do a 50% off store wide sale.  These and only these are the days I shop there- and I let myself go to town.

Well today would be one of these 4 magical days. So I did have a place to go!

jess1

In fact I dreamed sweet thriftin’ dreams last night.  I approach these days matching the same intensity that my husband looks forwards to Chiefs game- but imagine if there were only 4 Chief’s games a year vs 16 + playoffs.  Today was Operation Christmas Shopping- because I am not above getting my littles something that is gently used as gifts- or to wear during the holiday season- and neither should you.

and as the song goes…

‘Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the (electric)fire(place) is so delightful
And since we’ve (got to go to Savers to save some dough)no place to go
Let it (please stop the) snow, let it (really stop the)snow, let it (I’m begging you no more)snow.’

Well as mother nature often does- ignored my pleads.  Right about the time I got my thriftin’ pump up juice – known as coffee – the hubby informed me the news stations were saying how terrible the roads were.  We would later on in the day hear the grand total of 86 wrecks – 12 hospitalization- and two fatalities.

Now please here me when I say.. Saving money- is NOT more important that my health, safety, and or life- which is why we made the choice to stay safe and home.

However- we have all been there- when our heart is set on something- counting on something- already remembering happy memories the something brought you last time—- and WHAM- the hard swallowing bitter truth- because of something outside of our control– we will be unable to pursue our hearts wishes and wants.

This could be- planning to visit a friend you see only a couple times a year- and her family gets Influenza B the only time you have off to visit, having tickets to a once in a life time concert that gets rescheduled because of the rain and you are unable to make their new date, being in a deer blind and calling in the biggest buck you’ve ever seen and as you reach for your bow your body simultaneously decides it would be a perfect time to sneeze, or getting ready to spend guilt free and purchases that fuel your vintage hippie style soul and the damn snow causes you to stay home.

Here me when I say — purchases don’t make me happy— but getting a deal– buying something I cherish — owning some nice things with a story vs. paying with credit and they later owning me–thriftin’ — it is like the world giving me a wholesome but cheap hug… and I was.. I’m not sure disappointed was even at the caliber I was at… I was honestly devastated.

Trust me when I say I know how ridiculous this is now later in the evening after the emotions have passed and even when I was feeling them.  Trust my words when I type there is so many things worse can happen– but also here me when I share- my families health for the last 5 years has been up and down- We’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars out of pocket to get my husband well- and he still has a battle ahead.. so I understand how small and trivial this is compared to those big life struggles- and yes it was right to stay home- and yes it’s silly to cry over missing a thrift day that happens four times a year–but I balwed in my bed on our kid-free date day that would now be spent trapped inside as I watched the snow come down.  After a setback in my husbands health within the last week- my soul was in much need of this reenergizing – a break- being engaged in something that even when I’m elbows deep in some crazy idea how to flip a nightstand or putting together a 1970 glitter gold shoulder pad blouse- with a corduroy burgundy bottom .. it is here .. in this space where my mind is the most calm.. my heart is the most at peace.. and my thoughts, fears, and anxiousness of what the future brings for my families situation- are silenced and re-centered .

Everyone has their happy place- you know this feeling : maybe you get it while cooking your favorite recipe, completing your favorite work out, coloring with your kids, or whatever it is– you know this feeling– and you know when life happens that prevents you from reaching this place you can practically see, taste, touch, or for me today travel too- that it hurts hard and you feel like screaming like a 3 year old in a cereal isle– or some of you cry like me.

So as I laid on my pillow early this morning watching the snow and my dreams crash down into the earth and my beautiful country yard with mascara running down my face (you know I was amped up for this day if I was wearing make up)– the personal development journey I have been on through the last years coaching’s started to trickle into my brain interrupting my pity party.

I heard a voice ask ‘How would your best self react to this?‘ to which I wanted to flip off my best self at the thought of this question.  Ya I had strayed a little from Best Jess it appeared.

… and this is true.. we all know what can get us out of a funk… it’s the motivation to actually engage in that act that is hard.   Staying laying on the bed crying about a thrift store- was easier than – turning on the music, lighting a candle, using essential oils, coloring, dance party, drinking some infused water, or any and all of these tricks that work for me at any given time-because it’s easier and more comfortable sometimes laying in our hard feelings for life- and this is okay– as a therapist once told me ‘just don’t unpack and live there’.

and so I made a choice- I pulled myself off the bed (I will give some credit to my husband who sat their patiently as I sobbed ‘I’m just sad’ describing my disappointment with the white stuff now covering my grass’) and I regrouped.

And I started with candles, oils, and then went to search for a Pandora station- and Classic Christmas my heart saw and immediately my heart demanded.  I know there is World War 3 on people who decorate too early– to late.  I hadn’t thought about decorating for Christmas yet- but let’s just say if it was going to snow– I was going to go with it- and sing along while decorating ‘let it snow, let it snow, let it snow’.

jess2

and so like drinking 1 hour in to Frat party- the Christmas Seal– was BROKEN!

Sidenote: no tree up yet- only because we chop a real one down from a relative and that would be a fire hazard- if it wasn’t that bad boy would have gone up today too!

jess6

and as I opened up boxes- and put out decorations- my face got less puffy- and my heart got a little less heavy.

jess7

I found myself laughing.. mostly at first at a picture of the grumpiest Santa ever..

jess5

but it reminded me that ‘my best self’ is a girl I strive to be- and some days I will fall short, because I am with out a doubt no where close to perfect.

I will have moments where I loose my shit- where I literally bawl like a toddler having to share their favorite toy because we made the right choice to be safe and stay home due to weather even though my greedy heart wants its pie & cake too.   What I learned today- and am learning every day on this journey is to constantly strive to be a better version of myself than I was yesterday (not in some crazy obscure competition- but to make sure I’m living a life I’m proud of at the end of this thing) is that you can start and stop wherever and whenever you need too.  You can reset a bad day, a bad feeling, or a bad attitude- but it is indeed a choice.  Which means if I’m unhappy- that is on me– even on days where I get handed a shit storm in the health department- and then literally a snow storm – I have a choice in how I react.

This morning I choose the poor me, why me, and mother nature- you are indeed an asshole approach.  Here’s the thing my situation didn’t change- indeed it got worse– so I regrouped.  I put on those long socks and Christmas jams against my sadness’s wishes- and I sang by myself- and later with my littles.. with my whole heart and found my way back to a closer version to how my ‘best self’ would have reacted this morning.

jess3

That’s all until next time.

Love-

Hippie

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s