The past two years I can undoubtedly say have been filled with some of the hardest moments of my life- and yet truly some of the most beautiful lessons have come out.
Chronic Illness entered my lovely farm house in the form of a Lyme Disease diagnosis for myself and for my husband. Most of our treatment has been out of pocket now surmounting over $30,000- and yet – the more our health is regained -the more we see the light at the end of the tunnel and know this chapter will soon enough be over and hopefully a better one beginning- I can’t help but think of a beautiful phrase that is a modern day glass half full opinion- is to believe ‘Life is happening for us -it is not happening to us’.
Every persons story is different – so this statement at first can really rattle some. For example ‘Please tell me how my loved one dying of cancer is ‘happening for me?’ or I’m sure we can all remember a time- or are experiencing a time that to think it is happening to benefit us seems so preposterous at the time.
Here is my truth-something you would never know from this smile:
I’ve battled my share of trauma. I grew up in a house with yelling, addiction, divorce, not ever 100% sure where I belonged or if I was ever really truly loved by my family. I am also the one in 4 girls who experienced sexual abuse as a child.
Some of the scars from those incidences 100% are with me today – even with great therapy (which everyone would benefit at some point in their life going to talk to someone with an outsiders perspective) you can’t shake all traumas impact no matter how much work you put in, healthy habits you adopt, or how much you want to be the victor in your own story.
So here it is again: ‘Life is happening for us- it is not happening to us’.
All the things that have happened in my life– have been to mold me into this person I am today. I am strong because I know what it’s like to be weak and feel like you don’t have control. I am humble to know how precious my health is thanks to a ravishing disease. I am constantly trying to be better than the version of myself that I was yesterday because at the end of this life I think when you meet God or whoever you believe- he/she/they will also show you what you could have been if you had maxed out the given gift of potential they instilled in you-and I so very much want it to be a carbon copy of the person I am at my last breathe- and not him/she/whoever introducing me to a complete stranger. It is because I know pain– that I am able to appreciate and value joy more than the eye can see. I am able to 100% never take for granted a mans unwavering, unconditional, and insurmountable love my husband provides – because I know what it’s like to have love with conditions. Some of the atrocious things that have happened to me – or to you in your life- we can wish they didn’t happen- and grieve the loss- but we also can ask ourselves
‘What can I learn from this?’
“What am I able to appreciate more that others might not be able to because they weren’t given this gift of a view point?
‘What is going to be my story?’
This is a very raw post for me- but I hope by having the courage to be brave- I will inspire someone else out there too- so we can get passed our limitations- and start living the life we were meant to along.
That’s all until next time.